Friday, November 20, 2009

Bittersweet Joy

I'm not quite sure how tomorrow will go... so I don't know if I'll be around.

A year ago, I became an Aunt for the first time.
A year ago, my husband became an Uncle.
A year ago, my in law's became grandparents for a second time.
A year ago, a beautiful baby was born.


A year ago, was one of the worst day's of my life.
A year ago, Dr. V took my baby.
A year ago, even though I know he was gone before, he was really gone.
A year ago, I cried on the way to the hospital for my D and C as my husband got a text message that his sister had just given birth.
A year ago, I didn't give a damn that she had a baby, I actually told my mother in law to stop sending me updates, because I really didn't care.
A year ago, I was really heartless to the nurses who tried to be so kind to me.
A year ago, I was hopeless, and angry, and sad.
A year ago, my husband wrote me a letter while I was in surgery, and it still makes me cry to this day.
He was the only one in the waiting room, I remember walking back to the pre-op area where they could get me ready. I looked back right before the door closed, and he looked so defeated.
A year ago, we lost our little Sea Monkey.

This is the last picture I have of him, his heart was beating strong... I still have it on my Blackberry.


  1. oh dear ... it must have been devastating for you ... have peace and heal my fren ...

  2. It's incredible how resilient you are. I will be thinking of you hoping that you can keep looking forward to a time when this won't happen to you because you have answers. {hugs}

  3. I know how you feel, I lost a baby a year ago on the 26th.

    I know how you feel....

  4. It takes so much strength to get through that. Especially a day that should be filled with joy like the birth of a baby in your family.

  5. :( That got me teary-eyed. I'm so very sorry. I don't even have any words. ((HUGS))

  6. Oh my... I definitely cried.

    I'm so sorry, and I know that doesn't mean much in the grand scheme of things, but you're such a strong woman, and one day all of this is going to make you an excellent mommy.