Monday, September 28, 2009

To Tell or Not To Tell

That is the question that has been floating around our house.

Now that we are officially on the two weeks wait (2ww), we are dealing with the possibility that next Saturday (ok, who am I kidding, I'll test before then!) we could be pregnant. Could be. By God's grace alone.

So what do we do? Do we tell just our parents/siblings? Do we tell all the siblings, my brother is 19, so he's a 'big boy', and Pave has an older sister, but when his parents got married to their current spouses, they each had more children, so there is a 16, 11, and 9 year old in the mix. Every time I see the younger two, one of them always asks, "are you Pregnant yet?" They were there when we told his Dad and Step-Mom. We had gotten them a bib that said something about Grandparents. At this time, his older sister was pregnant too, and due in just a few months. His younger sister (who is 11) thought that it was for her baby. It took her a while for her to get that we were having a baby too.

Do we make them go through the possible heartbreak again? Do we tell Pave's daughter? She was 9 when we lost our last baby, and we told her about it after the fact. It had been easy to 'shield' her from it, since she lived a few hours away. However, now we are in the same town, she knows that "Daddy give me shots" to help us have a baby since my body isn't working right... but is never really around to see them happen.

When we lost our little Sea Monkey, we sat in the parking lot of the hospital where my doctors appointment was and called our parents. That was honestly one of the hardest calls I ever had to make. I never want to have to make it again, but the fact of the matter is, it's always possible. We also called a few friends of ours, a couple we had gotten close with (they were actually the first ones to know we were pregnant, we told them in the Dairy Queen parking lot, before the official blood work had come back), and Pave's best friend, who is doing recruiting duty on the East coast. Honestly, after that, we were exhausted and only wanted to grieve. Pave called his supervisor at base, and she told him to stay home with me for the rest of the week. I will forever be grateful for that.

As crappy as it sounds, we couldn't say the words "we lost our baby" out loud anymore, so everyone else got an e-mail.

Its because of this, that Pave had been adamant that we wait at least until the 2nd trimester to start telling people if we were ever able to get pregnant again. I disagreed, but kept it to myself, figuring I would cross that bridge when I come to it... we'll we're here, sort of.

What do you think? How long did you wait until you started telling people? Because right now, I'm pregnant until proven otherwise!


  1. I always waited to tell the family till I was 12 weeks because of having miscarried before. I am sending you sticky baby vibes. I'm here if you need me.

  2. If your parents are like mine, they'd want to be there through any excitement or disappointment. I'd wait to tell other people though. Because it seems that the good news always spread faster. If there's bad news (which there won't be ;) ) you'll have to say it over and over.

    But I'm not speaking from personal experience! Just from talking with others.

  3. Ok. Because of the risk you face, I'd wait. I know its hard, but I would. I feel like as excited as you and everyone will be to hear the good news, its going to break you down that much more to have to tell them all (again) the bad news (IF you do). But, I agree with Kate, you should probably just tell your parents. And ask your parents to maybe keep it quiet until the 2nd trimester.
    HOPEFULLY that wont be an issue though! Crossing my fingers and toes for some good news!